Signs You are in a Church You should Leave

In the last few months, I have been thinking a lot about what the Bible requires for "official" accusations, whether in a church or in a secular court. I have posted on this recently. That has led to a related question: how can you tell if you're in an ecclesiastical environment where such Biblical requirements may not be respected?  (This assumes you have no significant ability to reform the situation—for example, you are not an elder, or have no significant positive influence over the elders, or, more cynically, have no significant monetary influence over what goes on in the church).

The internet has many articles on this. I want to focus on two signs that are easy to spot for the average person. These are not so much particular actions, but rather long-term trends you should be able to spot if you attend a church long enough.

1. The first is an environment of secrecy. One major sign of secrecy is a reluctance or refusal to answer questions about certain topics, or to justify decisions. If questions about church decisions often receive a response such as "you need to trust us" or, worse, chastisement for not trusting the leadership, this shows an environment of secrecy. Trustworthy people have good reasons for their decisions which they are ordinarily willing to share. Likewise, if there is frequent inveighing against gossip, especially around controversial decisions, this often reflects the leadership’s unwillingness to be forthright in their reasoning.

Another obvious sign is secrecy surrounding money. If a church is not transparent about where its money goes, or if it refuses to share a comprehensive budget with the membership, that is yet another red flag. Mere inflows and outflows are not sufficient. Of course you want to know if your church is in the black. But you also want to know, for example, how much the staff is getting paid. If that information is not forthcoming, that is another sign of secrecy that should set off alarm bells.

A third mark of secrecy is that people leave without explanation and are never heard from again. There are plenty of reasons people might leave a church. But if someone hasn't moved away, changed their theological convictions, or given any reason at all for leaving the church, this is another bad sign. If this happens once, it may mean nothing; but if it happens repeatedly over a period of time, this is yet another factor that should raise suspicion. If no one in the church is talking to them, and no one ever knows why they leave, this indicates an environment of secrecy. Similarly, if someone is excommunicated without explanation, or with a vague explanation such as "contumacy" unattached to any other specific sin, that is a warning sign that overlaps with the second factor below.

2. Beyond a culture of secrecy, a more serious sign is fear. This can be subtler and take longer to observe, especially if you are not the target. Some questions to ask: do people seem afraid of the leadership for no discernible reason? Are people ever publicly chastised for asking questions? Is the congregation regularly exhorted about submission and authority? An atmosphere of fear, especially fear of the leadership, is another sign that a church is unhealthy.

Secrecy and fear are the two factors I now encourage people to look for if they think they are in an unhealthy or spiritually abusive church. Even if there are no serious sins that are obvious on the surface, secrecy and fear in a church will become inescapably apparent given enough time.

What should you do if you find yourself in such a church? As I said above, absent a significant ability to affect or reform the situation, I believe the wise course is simply to leave. Churches that are characterized by secrecy and fear rarely improve. For the sake of your spiritual health, it is better to find a healthy environment, even if doing so is difficult and painful at first.